“I do not want what I haven’t got.”

Go with God, Sinéad.

One of the loveliest voices of my generation has silenced. Known for her haunting cover of a Prince song (“Nothing Compares 2 U”) and for her determination to be herself no matter what, she was only five years older than I, 56, when she died today.

The media was making me out to be crazy because I wasn’t acting like a pop star was supposed to act.

It seems to me that being a pop star is almost like being in a type of prison. You have to be a good girl.

She had struggled for decades with mental illness after an extremely difficult childhood; she lived for 18 months in one of the horrific Magdalene Laundries.

I have always loved her. I recommend her album “Am I Not Your Girl?” for something special, where she covered standards, but her version of standards—everything from “Black Coffee” to Betty Boop to “Gloomy Sunday”. (Yes, I know it’s ironic and maybe tasteless for me to recommend that one today, but I think its choice, rather than “My Funny Valentine” or yet another Sinatra, shows her marvelous personality.)

To really see her, watch the video for “Nothing Compares 2 U”—it’s just her and her huge eyes and the camera and her tears, at a time when videos were huge productions and glitz and mini movies.

First, Dolores O’Riordan of The Cranberries and now Sinéad. It’s like losing Kurt over and over again. Some storytellers feel like they will always be there. Their voices are too bright, too powerful.

Check on your loved ones. The lies mental illness can tell when you are alone are insidious. I don’t know if that is why she is no longer here, but I know she had expressed those feelings publicly. Send some texts and emails today. And listen to Sinéad’s siren song, a song in a cappella that would be at home in an ancient stone cathedral.

I'm walking through the desert
And I am not frightened although it's hot
I have all that I requested
And I do not want what I haven't got

I have learned this from my mother
See how happy she has made me
I will take this road much further
Though I know not where it takes me

I have water for my journey
I have bread and I have wine
No longer will I be hungry
For the bread of life is mine

I saw a navy-blue bird
Flying way above the sea
I walked on and I learned later
That this navy-blue bird was me

I returned a paler blue bird
And this is the advice they gave me
"You must not try to be too pure
You must fly closer to the sea"

So I'm walking through the desert
And I am not frightened although it's hot
I have all that I requested
And I do not want what I haven't got

—Sinéad O’Connor, 8 December 1966-26 July 2023