That I Would Be Good

Where I Have Been

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you

—Alanis Morissette

I haven’t been podcasting; I haven’t been writing here, or in general. Although I had a creative burst and brought my and

Robert’s Substack

’s horror project to over 20,000 words tonight, and can’t sleep for thinking about it.

I’ve been sicker than usual. Much more than I am used to micromanaging. I can work through pain, I do it all the time. I have 24/7 pain, as I have discussed on the podcast. But my body is, to paraphrase Taylor Swift, on some new shit, but it’s not good, and the pun isn’t funny.